Lived, Vain, Died
by Hakari Hana
Summary: [Oneshot] Is Kikyo really as complex as everybody says? Perhaps bitterness had slowly comsumed her soul? Or maybe, she doesn't know herself. Or does she...? Flames accepted.


Title: Lived, Vain, Died

Author: Hakari Hana

Gene: Angst

Disclaimer: Do not own Inuyasha and co. and that little quote from the 1st Movie when Kikyo was talking to Sesshoumaru.

My first one shot. Be nice, I'll be posting my other first one-shots later so be sure to read them!! (If they are being posted at this time)

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The winds were howling, dust clung to a young woman's robes, her hair is covered in brown dirt hiding her natural black hair color, her face tanned, and dirt is in her eyes.

But she didn't care nor that is she able to feel anyway. Her body was numb from the after-math of semi-resurrecting; all she can do now is to wander since she does not belong to the realm of the living.

Capturing, gathering, and absorbing souls of other young women everyday, knowing that the souls that were stolen did nothing to deserve a short, abrupt life that was so much like hers. Knowing that even if she continued to wander in this realm, search for the person that she shall bring doom to, and continuing to attempt to revert to her past self of kindness, love, selflessness, trusting, and purity that only her reincarnation can obtain now. Knowing that her _reincarnation_ can maintain the virtues that was deemed impossible to her as the incarnate, knowing that her _reincarnation_ was the person who melted her love's cold, untrusting exterior, while she could not.

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My soul and my reincarnate's long to be with and merge with my other self, to be with my love that only my opposite can befriend frequently. She receives everything!! Her own body and soul, family, friends, wonderful life, and even her own lover!! While I get a clay pot as a body, stolen souls from other women, a useless sister who will wither and die no sooner than at least a year, I have soul stealers as friends, I have no life at all obviously, and ex-lover who loves my _own_ reincarnation!!

Kami must be laughing at me; I must be a toy to him that he can play with.

I have known I am not like my old- self, I have been turned into an envois witch that wishes only for a life that is another's. My eyes that were once a warm light chocolate that shows my emotions has turned into unreadable, icy dark brown that almost seems black. My soul and aura that was once been a bright pink has turned into a dark purple showing I am tainted. But my purifying powers still yields to me, though I am not pure.

I myself envy my reincarnation's virtues that I could not obtain even when I was alive. Her forgiving nature almost surprises me; I would have thought she would abandon the traitor. He does after all betray her for me. Foolish hybrid, why run to me, a dead miko who has no right to walk amongst the living, when he can love another miko who has her own body, soul, heartbeat, warmth, and life? When he could love someone who has purity? Someone who seems better than even me?

I loath everything that is bound to time.

Does that sound familiar? I may be dead but my limits are extended far from an average human. Since I am dead, I do not age; I cannot die unless if my remaining souls are taken, and I feel nothing physiologically and physically. Even at this advantage everyone and everything that is bound to time has something that could never be restored to me. Life.

Life has granted me no future to behold. I died when I shot that arrow at _him_.

I long for a friend, not even forest animals go near me. Why are you doing this to me Kami? Why did you let the witch revive me? Why didn't you just leave me alone in Hell in peace? Because of you I cannot feel love, so much weight is upon my shoulders, and the loneliness, anger, and hatred that resides in me will not subside. There is no one who can sooth my troubled soul.

I hate you Kami, you are the cause of the ruins of my life, my love for my lover, and for my pain!

There will be no more strolls through villages. No more innocent children thinking of me as their hero, or big sister. No more friendly conversations with local villagers. And no more attempts to build myself a new life.

Instead villages know me as the Tainted Miko, know me for all the souls I've stolen, and for my past. Children and their parents think of me as an abomination to all human kind, a thief, a threat, and a killer. If I near a villager, arrows and axes would be aimed at me, attack first and ask questions later. No matter what I do I am an outsider, known as a threat, I belong nowhere but in Hell. But should my options be so negative? Must I have to surrender to my doom, when I have a chance to see a glimpse of a life I could have? But know that I could never reach my goals? Must I have to stand tall to all the rejection, even from my own kind? To forever carry these emotions of longing, regret, guilt, and hatred for eternity? To feel as if the world is against me, and only me?

Maybe even in Hell I will still be an outsider. Pathetic.

I still gained the abilities I have obtained from my former life, but my reincarnates powers seem to be growing more as the final battle draws near. Soon there will be my chance to destroy that fool of a half-demon, and finally take what was and still is mine.

It is your guess which half-demon I will destroy, or the thing that was and still is mine. In time you will soon know. But for now…

My true intentions will be a mystery.

Thank you to all of you who have read this one-shot. Please review to let me know that I hadn't wasted time on this fic.

Please click that beautiful blue button. Thank you!! D

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